Me around kids:
me around people my age:
That was a good rant, LOL. I think that’s the first time I’ve ever put something up on here that actually explains my thoughts and feelings :)
Okay, I guess the title kind of relates to my story. I am going to delete this after a while though.. I don’t know how long I’m going to keep it up either. I don’t even know how long the post will be.. But anyways, this is just something.
I don’t understand why you torture yourself. It’s like, you’re living a life that just wasn’t meant to be. You try to please everyone but you don’t realize that you’re hurting yourself and others at the same time. Don’t misunderstand me though, I’m not saying that I care all of a sudden. If you haven’t noticed, I’ve stopped doing that a while ago. I know you blame me too, for breaking you and all that. You don’t know my side of the story though, do you? You should know that I’m not that mean, to leave someone for no reason. The thing that you don’t understand is that, you’re the one constantly hurting me. It’s not the other way around, or maybe it is.. I don’t really know. I do know that you’ve dropped me for your new best friends so many times that I don’t even know how many times exactly. And I tried, so hard, to just let it go. How can I though? The one person who I treated as my priority acted, a bunch of times, like I didn’t exist after building me up. That was kind of a patter for us, not talking then talking and every single year, it’s happened. I don’t know why I’m so stupid and maybe I will be again in the future. And all those years that you thought I was the mean one, you really haven’t looked at yourself much have you? Taking me away from my other friends, restricting me, getting me in ish for stuff I didn’t do, dropping me, ruining my relationships with others.. why does it always have to be about you? Why are you the victim all the time? When I did what I did, it was because I was mad at you.. that made me not like you. Whenever I was “acting” like your friend, I actually was one. All of the things you did to me didn’t matter and I was real with you. That was me whenever I was with you. That was me getting hurt too. I told you about my problems… I told you about my past and it’s like it didn’t matter to you. You acted the same way as they all did and I hate it. You say I broke you but who was really doing the breaking? You changed too much for my liking too. I’m not saying that change is bad.. but in this case, it kinda was. Or maybe that’s just you showing who you really are, I don’t really know. It’s whatever now though, I don’t even talk to you anymore. Being your friend was hard though, did you know that? I applaud myself at lasting this long. I guess that’s kind of why I just deleted you from my life.. (see what I did there ;) LOL)
I’m a bit emotionless towards the whole thing now. I don’t have anything to say to you.. I’m kind of just letting things go. This doesn’t make me want to break down anymore. It doesn’t affect me the same way, probably because I’m over it. I understand that this is how it’s supposed to be. Everything happens for a reason, you know.
Uhm. The month just began. LOL, but if were talking about the past 30 days… then that’s a different story! Aha ;p
Highs: Demetre’s with my asians, chillin with the neighbours and gt, exercising, Halloween chocolates, reading books, nineteenth month.. LOL, lunch on mondays, java chip frap, being out of school more, experiencing my future job, thinking about Christmas.
Lows: Not being able to see my friends as much, always being by myself, school is just gross, procrastination, annoying students, being broke.
- Exercise daily
- Get everyone’s Christmas presents
- Get my marks to where I want them to be
- Do something I’ve never done before
- Research on post secondary choices
- Eat healthier
- More books, less computer
- Save up
- Go job hunting?
I miss the good ol’ days. Back when we were kids, you know? I miss playing in the playground, waiting to grow up, not having a care in the world and just enjoying the present. It’s a bit weird taking in the fact that I’m not that little girl anymore. I have responsibilities now and as much as I want to enjoy life to the fullest, I have things that weigh me down. I miss being a kid… I don’t want to grow up, not yet.
I’m not gonna be too deep with this but this is something that still bugs me, even now. A problem that I’ve had, for a while now actually, would definitely have to be health-wise. There are a lot of things are I’m supposed to stay away from due to health problems… a lot of food, to be more specific. That’s one of the hardest things for me. Whenever I eat something, it may not seem like it but I’m calculating the amount of calories it has, how long it would take me to lose said calories and if I’m actually allowed to eat it. I’ve been bending the rules a lot recently, which is pretty bad but it feels so good to eat those things. I’m trying to get back on track though :)
Uhm.. what do you mean? Like, as a first impression kind of thing or I’ve known them for a while? Hmmmm, to attract me.. you have to be able to make me laugh, honest, nice - in your own way -, trustworthy, decent, reliable, alive, faithful, thankful and cool! Aha. I don’t really know, to be honest. Just be a decent human being :) LOL, that’s good enough for me!
- M: Once upon a time, there was a rat named Ratatouille...
- I: Then there were teeny weeny little pigs that are the size of ants!
- J: Then the giant pigs went to the little pigs and ate them!
- M: It started with Ratatouille, what happened! LOL.
To be completely and utterly honest… Ghandi fascinates me. There was this book we read during summer school, english, that combined the different religions together. The book quoted Ghandi when he said, “All religions are true.” It’s kind of stuck to me ever since and I’ve been wondering about him. He seems like an interesting guy. I’d love to learn more about him.. Hopefully, I will in religion class.
I don’t have just one favourite movie.. I have a lot actually. One of them would have to be Shark Tale. It’s about a vegetarian shark and a fish. The shark’s brother dies in an accident and they use the situation to their advantage to get away from their present situation. I love this movie :)
2 YEARS AGO:
So, I kinda changed appearance-wise. I look more mature now, I think.. maybe not.. But anyways, I think that I’m more outgoing now. I can talk to people easier, even if I’m still awkward. I’m slacking more though, school-wise. My grades aren’t as good as they were 2 years ago S: I’m friends with different people.. kind of. I met new people, had to let go of some old friends but that’s life. I’m more aware now, I think, of what’s going on around me. I see more details than the bigger picture.
Uhh, I actually don’t watch TV that much. Whenever I do, I end up watching a movie on tv.. but one of my favourite shows would have to be Phineas and Ferb. Yes, I’m still a little kid at heart :)